The question of what makes me, and how I want the world to see me, has been lingering in my mind the past few days. As I searched my thoughts trying to think of what qualities makes me who I am, I realized a lot about myself and want to share with you, what makes me, me.
While growing up, I always tried to please everyone, I wanted everyone to like me. I was always nice, always smiled and said hey to everyone, but as I grew older I noticed, no matter how hard you try, you can not please everyone. You will always have people who try to take advantage of you, taking your kindness for a weakness. For that reason, I told myself daily that no matter what happens, you still have your family!! Although, I am still a very nice person, I have learned to control myself as well as my surroundings, and teach my kids, it's OK to be nice, but don't let anyone take advantage of you.
Another quality I have is trying to be the greatest mom I can. Yes, as many may know, children don't come with instructions, as much as I would have loved to see a scroll taped to their little chest when I gave birth, it didn't happen. So I rely on my mother instincts, although they aren't always correct, I am not perfect but I learn from my mistakes and don't let them happen again. For instance, Tuesday the 11th, I was cooking dinner, and I ended up slipping and falling, while in the process of falling I caught myself, the bad thing is, I caught myself on my stove which was on. I severely burnt my left hand, causing 2nd degree burns all over my hand. I was in horrid pain, all I could do was scream and cry and run around like a chicken with my head cut off. My two toddlers (2 & 3), was watching in emotional stress, as I couldn't control the pain and was freaking out. I went to the ER and as I sat there I started thinking about how my girls are, and remembering how I just told them to get away and leave mommy alone because I was in so much pain. As I sat there, I also remember them having their little doctor kits and just wanted to help make mommy feel better. I was crushed, instead of thinking about them, I was to worried about myself. From this experience I have learned next time something dramatic happens, no matter how much pain I am in, I will explain to them what happened and be a better Mother and try not to lose it around them. I realized my mistake and was able to correct it, for that, I try and be the best mom I can be.
Another one of my qualities I plan on passing down to my children is don't let the past ruin your future and not to judge anyone. I have lived a life many people have never had too, and quite frankly I am not proud of. Things happened I had no control over, then I tried to drown my feelings, with alcohol and drugs, because I felt no one understood. No one knew what was happening to me at home behind closed doors and I felt I was alone. AS I grew older, I learned to control and talk about what happened when I was younger, even though to this day, my mom still doesn't believe me or doesn't want too. Either way, I vowed to open all communications with my children and be there for them if they have a problem. I will never turn my back nor shut the door on them no matter how bad the problem is. And I will teach them not to judge anyone, because they just never know what has happen to the person, behind closed doors.
Looking back at my life, I realized everything that has happened to me in my past, affects my decisions in my future, to better myself and my children. Whether it happened 10 years ago or a few days go, I know what my mistakes are and will take action to better myself and children when the same thing happens again. And this is what makes me...ME!
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Disclaimer-“I was compensated for writing this blog post while participating in the SocialMoms and The Clorox Lounge blogging program. The opinions and ideas expressed here are my own. To read more posts on this topic, click here.”